Why do this?

I’m 25, in a new career, just bought a house and still have this continuous feeling of not knowing what I am doing with my life. I go through waves of anxiety- did I say the wrong thing? Make the wrong decision? Is this what I should be doing with my life? This then follows with- am I being healthy, am I working out enough? Should I eat that brownie that’s calling my name in the fridge. My latest adventure… do I see a psychologist or a nutritionist?

I’m starting this blog because I know I’m not in this alone. I listen to podcasts and see others share their stories through instagram and thought- why not me? We each share our stories and open up for connection, to relate with others and find those special people that understand us or what we are going through and this helps us. I am seeking that connection, but also hoping I can be a link for others to feel connection as well. I thought this would be a better solution rather than constantly calling my dad (he says he’s fine with my constant calls, but deep down he’s probably tired of my back and forth – “I’m popular and everyone loves me” and “Oh my god, dad, no one wants to be my friend”.) He will not let me live this down from middle school.

I began my career after college in Chicago, where I thought I’d flourish and rule the world. I flourished- I graduated Graduate school, I survived two years of teaching preschool for Teach for America, but I left with anxiety, with a burning passion to do more, and an unsettling feeling of something missing. Teaching wasn’t for me. It’s sad because I loved the students so dearly, but my patience wore thin every. single. day. I also was going to classes each night and had 0 (truly) free time. I missed my family who was still in Ohio, so I packed my bags (and my live in boyfriend/ fiancé) and returned home.

With a new found excitement for personal time, I dove in head first to everything I felt I had been missing. I devoted an abundance of time to work and excelling in my career, I spent time with my family and I signed up for a gym. I then trained and finished an entire MARATHON! I was proud of myself. However, these accomplishments were just the beginning to what I have learned is this passion for health, wellness, relationships and life itself.

IWith marathon running, I read books and blogs about the best way to train, what to eat, what the best time would be for me. I went down a Whole30 journey (pst, it only lasted 19 days- I caved). And now- I’m seeking out advice for nutrition, experimenting with new hobbies and even debating going to therapy. The point- it’s all a journey. One we are all on, in our own way. We all have that fear we can’t get over, or the thing that keeps us up at night. Each of us has something we wish we would have said or something we wish we tried, but thought we didn’t have the time. For this blog, my time is now. This is my biggest fear- writing and doing it publicly. The current state of our world has afforded me time to embrace my fears and travel this journey, sharing random things I’ve tried, that went well and things that probably will go horribly wrong. This is my time to normalize the feelings I have each day and hope that I can form connections with others throughout the world.

#mentalhealth #connections #writing

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